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I’m writing this blog post a few hours to spare before it needs to be posted.
I’m struggling. Hard.
This past week I have been fighting with depression and it has been winning. Yesterday it was debilitating.
I could not even find the strength to pick myself up as my toddler held my face in her hands and wiped the tears off of my face.
Now, I’m not writing this to gain pity or have anyone feel sorry. I’m writing this because I want you to know that you are not alone.
Being an entrepreneur or business owner is taxing in every possible way.
Not only are you trying to run your business and be successful and serve your customers/clients the best you possibly can, you’re also managing your home, taking care of your kids, making time for your partner and family and friends.
It’s a constant state of go.
If you’re like me, you’re putting so much into everything and leaving nothing for you.
And when you’re responsible for your children, your business, and more, your mental illness feels more and more like a burden.
Like you’re a burden.
But you can’t stop. You have to keep going.
We keep pouring everything we have into everyone and everything. If we don’t, we feel guilty.
“Why didn’t I just do the thing that needed to be done?!” We scold ourselves.
It feels like we are letting everyone around us down.
It all starts to weigh us down, but we keep going. We keep piling.
The weight starts to become too much, so we start to shut down and close off.
And because we’ve allowed ourselves to slip so far we start to see the destruction we have caused in our own lives.
From failed relationships to failed ventures.
By the time we realize what we’ve done, it’s too late. The damage is done.
It’s hard.
All of it.
Living, being a person, being a parent, being an entrepreneur….even without mental illness, it’s a lot to juggle.
There are so many days where I want to give up on absolutely everything. I think about taking a bag and leaving it all behind.
My depression tells me that everyone can do better, all I do is bring everyone down.
“You’re not helping anyone,” my depression says. “It would just be better if you gave up now.”
Believe me, there are days that I believe it. And I get nothing done.
Even though I know that those are just lies my depression tells me to isolate me, I fall for it. –not always, but I do.
And it’s okay if you do too.
We need to remember that it’s okay to visit with our demons, it can’t always be helped. But we do not want to live there.
We do not want to stay in the clutches of our mental illness.
We need to know when to fight it with everything we can possibly fight it with. In my experience, the fight is easier won when you bring someone in to fight it by your side.
Just one person makes all the difference.
Now, I’m not perfect and I don’t always take my own advice, but when I do..it definitely feels easier.
So I just want to state it again.
I’m not here for pity, I’m here for you. I just wanted to remind you, and maybe even myself, that there are better days than where you are now.
There are people who care and want to be there for you. You just need to tune out those horrid voices inside of you for just one moment and reach out.
It’s scary. Truly.
But when you’ve reached out to the right person, it becomes easier.
If you ever need to talk or feel my struggle, I’ll be there for you.
Just send me an email and we can start a conversation!
As always, I wish you nothing but success and abundance.
-Jordan